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aaaaaa björk stop it
stop being so fucking cute!

um lots of things have been happening lately
english exams are over
I freaked out about the second one, but I'm ok now
got chicken burgers and had people over for a swim after paper one, including zac which was kind of weird but not unpleasant. levels of nakedness got dangerous very quickly after noah arrived. watched our wednesday programming as well.
noah came over on thursday and spent four hours riding my bike down to the shops and then watching the simpsons movie with me, which maybe contributed to my lack of preparedness for paper two? but whatever, it was nice.
after paper two I went and had lunch with people and that was quite nice. mmm lots of mushroom sauce was included too. and watched nichola's under-sixteens basketball game and went to faheems for dinner.
and then yesterday I worked cursorily on economics and extension history, then went to the same pub for dinner with holly and alex. we played jeopardy and visited the park of requirement and were all home early.

so yeah exams are not treating me too terribly. probs have to leave in an hour and a bit to go to milo's for maths study. blergh.

Thursday: went over to elinor's and made friands and had coffee and omelettes and danish cakes for brunch, then alex came over and we watched Lost in Translation and went out for dinner at buzzzbar. Work done: 0/10
Friday: Went to marrickville library, took notes on an article about the 1948 Arab-Israeli War and then walked to dully shops in the rain to catch a bus to cal's. walked to cal's in the rain. dried off in front of the heater and then ate chicken noodle soup while doing half a trial paper and then watched Harvey Birdman until it was time for me to go into the city and meet alex and holly for dinner in china town (noodles with chicken and amazing pork dumplings). Then more walking in the rain up to broadway and hanging around until holly's appointment at 202 on Broadway. work done: 4/10
Saturday: went over to noah's house with cal to do noah's dreads, took schoolbooks but instead spent all day watching the simpsons/that 70s show/spongebob. oh and Observe and Report. what. the. fuck. was that movie? anyway. then went to norton st, met alex and bought drinks, and then went to tavis's. which was pretty fun, at least I liked it. the food was amazing and the company was good and fuck helium voices are funny! Walked home with lucia and alex. work done: 0/10
Today: woke up at like, 11am. did some typing of previously done work- not really a big achievement. will have to completely redo my study timetable because I've failed so hard at keeping up with it. bummer. work done: 2/10.

so basically I need to step it up to 8/10 minimum instead of 4/10 maximum. cause I am so fucked. and I don't even care cause I've had a really nice time of fucking up my chances.

started biting my nails, though, which is maybe a sign of impending anxiety-->productivity.

nichola's birthday lunch today, we had yum-cha
got to explain my plans for end of this year/next year twice
but I am honestly so excited about everything after the 6th of november
1. park party
2. formal
3. schoolies
4. my birthday
5. copa
6. peats ridge

then all that uni and being a grown up shit
which is not so exciting and more soul-crushingly horrible
but whatevz mad stuff in between now and then

went to the latin festival last night with holly, watched people salsa and had a BANANA SMOOTHIE and wrote a study plan

today the plan is to watch my extension english films
and tomorrow work on modules A and B
and then wednesday is maths day, and superbook!

on the other hand I have a new (or possibly re-have an old) cold D: it's gross.

My ever-changing ghost
I think he loves them the most
He always shows you when and how and where you went wrong

Always plan but I never get things done
I walk in the room and see you all sitting around
And the love that you give is such a familiar sound
You just fly straight up and come the fuck down
You see your house fall 'cause you built it on the wrong ground

i've been neglecting you
been neglecting a lot of things-
work
paying attention to money
paying attention to smoking
avoiding my temper trap

just drifting, not paying attention, post-trial exhalation

or that's my excuse

went to the pub on saturday night and played 20-questions
got bit by a bull ant today at nielson park
holly and alex came over for a swim today and then we watched 300
sunday I went to cabramatta with holly and alex and we went fabric shopping and ate vegetarian food and second lunch and fruit shakes and that drink thing with milk and shaved ice and jellies and red beans and prunes. prunes. prunes? prunes!
and saturday is as far back as i remember. maybe i did something on friday? i think so.
last post was tuesday.

but all I can remember is school and school and school and oh!

the economics excursion with holly
and then we wandered around in town and ran into holly's friends so that was...maintained a level of newness and contrast.(<-- the kind of thing I did in my modern essays- write sentences that do not work)

so that's what's been going on. three parties on this weekend. still no costume plan for alice's. still no invitation for milo's. undecided on the middle party- it will be squished between the other two, won't it holly?

I think this has only taken me like ten minutes which is surprising to me.

but I guess with no substance there's no constraints on construction.

but I guess also blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and I just want something to offer.

I'm so green
I'm so green
yes I feel
everything you say

oh man I just saw the add for the best party cd everrrrrrr

hahaha the reviewer from sheffield is awesome too:
"But I do remember Singers from the 90's what would also wouldve been nice on this Cd... "

this is definitely going on my cds wishlist for december.

um otherwise I haven't been doing much with myself.

saw bruno the other night (for free!)
which was really good, I liked it
then did a tiny bit of maths and a large amount of fucking around with cal and milo and noah during the 'maths study day' on tuesday.
got orange juice and 7-11 pie and coffee on norton st with alex
then fucked around the entirety of yesterday and today.
boooooooring
I nearly was bothered to organise something (anything)
but then holly is grounded or something
and she was the first person I called
and after that I was like eh.

um obviously my brain hasn't really registered that my first exam is in... five days
and I'm still stuck at around 1/3 of my study being done. fuck.

"I do have spreadsheets that mark how many people I am touching."

um wow so I totally haven't posted since the last day of school. yes an entire week. but it's ok, you can dry your eyes now of the tears they have inevitably been shedding for the last seven days.

saturday night:
got to moira's at around ten pm, left at eleven. lost my wallet somewhere during the two hours it took between meeting alex at norton st and getting on the bus in ashfield. but um the hour at moira's was quite nice, and the costumes were very impressive. crashed into bed at whenever I got home and then. um.

sunday/monday/tuesday:
walked to croydon trying to find my wallet and then met up with holly after economics and had coffee. ran into ardi and his girlfriend, hung around in the city for a while, and then went to see holly's new house. then I think I pretty much worked on modern for two days straight, took a break to see alex in newtown for coffee tuesday night. though I'm struggling to convince myself that that's all I did for two whole days... though I remember monday being particularly heinous because my entire family was home for most of it.

wednesday:
I visited holly's old house and got some loot (plasticine and glowsticks and such), then to her new house and the fast food complex to get liquid gaytime mmmmmmmm. then we went to the city to meet alex and reza to go to will's house party. which I liked. very quiet, but fun. at least until 5am(? I dunno whether it was before or after the mcdonalds run) when I was curled up in the fetal position in front of will's fireplace trying to stop the alco-shivers. but eventually I slept for a couple hours and even remarkably managed to get to the city by

thursday:
12.30 the next day, and with a bunch of other hungover happy heads for rob's scavenger hunt!
which took place after an hour of sitting around eating mcdonalds food. and blue+red team put in an excellent effort for the first hour or two. after that we kinda lost momentum, but we were still within... eight activities of winning. so that was kind of fun and everyone did remarkably well and civilly for being half asleep and probably having awful headaches and etc.
got home and had the nicest bath in a long, long time. just hot water and closed eyes and quietness. managed to stay awake until like 10pm, and told my dad we watched speed at will's movie marathon :P

friday:
woke up at ten-ish, surprised by the cleaners at 11am, activated my new money card and went to the library and did two and a bit pages of english notes before losing focus. and that's the last productive thing I did today. spent three hours reading a webcomic about lesbians but then it was all a dream but actually dreams are like tv shows or something? as in the story continues after 'but it was all a dream...'.

so yeah maybe I'll do an hour or two more work later tonight, but probably not. also maybe thai food will be here soon and my mum will stop standing in the kitchen shouting obnoxiously at the radio. here's hoping.

so yesterday was the last day of school
went to bed very tired and cranky
woke up similar
but had a reasonable day at school, some fun in double maths then escaped from assembly and such.
then my afternoon went exactly to plan, though I spent more time fucking around with clothes than i scheduled for (surprise surprise).
saw transformers with alex and cal and other-holly (not holly). and

OH

MY

FUCKING

GOD

it was so fucking coooooooooooooooooooooool.

and then we met up with rob and keiran and went to scoops's, which was a really good time as well. managed not to slip over in the mud a single time, did a pretty good job of talking to various people and such if I do say so myself. ended up walking with alex to holly's house and hanging out there for an hour or so before catching the 2.42 night bus home, collapsed into bed, woke up like six hours later, too hungry to go back to sleep :(

today I was pretty lazy, unsurprisingly. watched two hours of music videos, helped put away the shopping, nearly finished In the Skin of a Lion, had a bath, mended my corduroy trousers for tonight and then fucked around a bit on the internet. now I'm drinking peppermint tea and considering what accessories to add to my costume, and alex is coming around later and we're going to moira's together.

hey so I have heaps of shit to record which has been thoughtfully
( cut for the uninterested )

so yeah I had a pretty lovely couple of days
and some fairly serious/confronting conversations
and despite all the drama going on
I feel fairly good, and stable
and hopefully able to continue to be there for people as I hope I have been being lately
plus multiple parties and the holidays on the horizon
FUCK
YEAH

haha so many tags

I had a reasonably happy day today
but I didn't want to post about it until there was a buffer between me and whatever drama is going on in my friends page.

holly came over before school to finish her legal studies and it all went well and my classes were either productive (everything except maths) or enjoyable (maths). Seb is a funny little jerk, whom I am glad is around.

then I spent my p6 free getting coffee with alex, which was good as I hadn't seen him since friday. then I went back to catch the bus with Holly, and reza as it turned out. which, though I had misgivings about, turned out to work quite fine. which was really encouraging.

so yeah I had a nice time wandering the city, v was on sale for cheap at the petrol station
and my family was out watching the football at the pub
so I had the evening to myself, to make dinner and sit in maximum comfort on the couch doing my modern homework
which when I finally got around to it at about 8 went by like snap
and now I am going to reward myself with media watch!

so yeah sorry for unwelcome cheeriness
but... if I don't take these rings and stow them safe away, how am I gonna save them for another rainy day?

argh I've done like
ten sentences of work all day
but I went over to holly's and got my colours done
I'm an autumn flowing into summer
now I'm kinda pretending to do work
and deciding whether to go to gabe's
hmmmmm
it's a toughie
cause I am very poor at social interaction and such
but I think it would be nice
also the fact that I've barely got anything done
and movies tomorrow
and hopefully seeing holly too
means I won't get that much time tomorrow either
hopefully noah will call and be like 'yeah bro I'm going and we can go together!'
but can't really pin my hopes on that
anyway yeah gonna go back to "work"

oh wow well
yesterday was the bbq, which was fair nice if a little quiet
watched the rest of super troopers and the pick of destiny after transferring the party (ie. the four of us and some food) to cal's house
then I went to the city and wandered around with holly for three or four hours
I was nearly home and then alex called and I met up with him and we had a short chat at petersham park, and I got home at ten-ish, my dad didn't even remark on it.
then I meant to study for economics
but instead I just went to sleep
and then today i spent all day preparing for that economics bullshit
nothing else really happened
oh except I found out that Dave Eggers is about to release a new book called Zeitoun (fuck yeah) and that tobacco plants look really different to how I imagined them (thanks newshour).
I have some alcohol sourcing issues, hopefully andy can help me out
and also hopefully at some point tomorrow I can buy new stockings and clove cigarettes
for ben's party woofuckinghoo
um yeah that's it. so really I should be working super hard right now
but instead I'ma go watch kindergarten cop or some shit
maybe just sleep in front of the heater

today was so so shitty
just everything is going wrong with tomorrow
and I just wanted to hang out with my favourite kids and get high and eat delicious food and maybe even take film photos
and now they're all not coming, and everything's lame and I just got so fucking mad at the whole thing that I bought the biggest slurpy they have and smoked some cigarettes and then I felt a bit better
and I wanted to talk to holly more/properly but there was no time
and then I went with cal and visited erica only she wasn't there and there was no weed to buy D: so we just pulled a cone each and sat with Erica's housemates and Gabe, listening to hardcore and playing videogames. and oh my holy they have the cutest, tiniest black kitten ever. then we went to cal's house to watch super troopers.
which of course all made my day significantly better. then I had to wait more than half an hour for the bus home and I nearly died of cold.

Today I got a super slurpy, my jersey
Today I felt angry sad stressed anxious.
Today I thought about calling the whole thing off
Today I thanked God the bus finally arrived. My extremities were dying.
Today I wanted warm, relax, for tomorrow to be good.
Today I didn't want cold, stressed, school.
Today I watched new simpsons episode, one and a half Law&Order SVUs. oh and super troopers at Cal's house.
Today I loved cigarette, blue slurpee, heater, Rant.
Today I hated winter, walking+squished toes, waiting for the bus.
Today I give big shoutouts to Cal, Kate, Navind.

owww my tummy is still angry
but today has been pretty nice
so far at least
went out for breakfast with alex at berkelouw this morning
then maths was eh, turns out I did hours of unneccessary history x work
but it's done now, so that's good
wanted to spend more time with holly
talked to alex and peta for a few minutes at norton st after school
and then came home
and have been fucking around since then
gonna have a nap in front of the heater and read rant
and then watch newshour
then do my shitload of modern homework
hopefully my maths as well
but nap takes precedence.
really looking forward to thursday. hope it works out ok.
plan: 11am (too early?) onwards at p'sham park
bring some meat/sweets and money for drinks
ok nap time.

I took twice as long as I should have to go see holly in the city today
because I spent half an hour crying in the mirror before throwing on my too big (i know it's hard to believe) jumper and just leaving as fast as I could until I was out of reflection-range.
hanging out was pretty nice
much nicer than homework
basically just four or so hours playing gin rummy and sitting in mcdonalds while Alex napped. but as soon as he was awake again it was back to being the biggest third wheel ever
which made me feel pretty shitty
was home late for dinner
and then my dad called me at 5am Orlando time just to say hello and talk about our days, after I texted him at nearly midnight his time yesterday(on my way to the bus stop this afternoon) to tell him I really missed him.
I think it's probably cause other things aren't so great
I'm fucking up school and it actually allegedly matters
etcetera, etcetera
that I miss him more than I usually do when he goes away.
but it really cheered me up and made me change my mind about writing a whole entry about being second choice. complete with radiohead lyrics. because really. it's so unrealistic of me to expect, I mean even when I was kind of sort of sometimes somebody's first choice I fucked it up.
and now I'm really just putting of going back to work
though I finished two things
which is pretty good I guess
plus it's bbq week, so what the fuck ever. fuck yeah bbq week

haven't posted in a couple of days
again
the 27th was...wednesday i think
so thursday I went to SPAN with cal and will, which was pretty fun
friday was so-so, boring at school, had alex over for lunch though, when i went to get my camera
that was pleasant
fought with my mum and subsequently stood elinor up over dinner
maybe i'll give her a call today
saturday was of course the huge red+black undertaking
but first I had to go to my sister's basketball
and then to the city
lots of wandering about and running away from crimes
hung out on wharf ten near star city for a long long time
made friends with joe the security manager
got scared by dickheads getting off a party boat
found a deck with six cigarettes in it! first find ever
got home and fell asleep straight away
woke up at ten this morning, haven't done any work in the last two hours
oops
um feel like i should include some introspection or some shit
to fit in and stuff
really just taking it day by day at the moment
so none of that to be had.
working on a cheerful sunshiney mix to get me through the winter and a calming electro mix, enjoying the inflow of new music
(instead of doing my modern study notes)

She says:
"He never really looks at me
I give him every opportunity
in the room downstairs
he sat and stared
in the room downstairs
he sat and stared
I'll never make that mistake again!"

went to a lecture in parramatta with holly today, saw ross gittins in the flesh!
that was pretty cool
nothing much else has happened so far this week
getting geared up for saturday, it's gonna be awesome

looking forward to the new music coming my way soon :D
not looking forward to my dad going away

oh gosh
three days :O
and so many things have happened since three days ago!

( for recording purposes, not entertainment )

PS. Holy fuck how good is CAKE? I've been listening to them on repeat for like the last five days. so. good.

ah fuck
my economics report is already 600/800 words
and I haven't started talking about impacts
D:

yesterday I got nearly to the end of Rant. So fucking good!!!
yesterday I felt disappointed, stressed, amused, bored, sick, sleepy.
yesterday I thought about all the wasted time in the holidays
yesterday I thanked holly for being a super-economics-assignment-doing-person, Cal for being an awesome maths-studying-team-person
yesterday I wanted to have started preparing for assessments non-retardedly
yesterday (+this morning) I didn't want to stop reading Rant and go to sleep
yesterday I watched GI Joe PSAs
yesterday I loved columbines (fuck yeah caramel), smoke breaks
yesterday (+forever) I hated german trade policy, assessments
yesterday I gave big shoutouts to Holly, Elinor, Enis+Slajina. Oh and Cal.

and so now of course I'm eating vegetables+cottage cheese and thinking about growing my hair long and about to go outside and take pictures of raindrops on leaves, instead of finishing this fucking report.

I absolutely have to go do some more work.

went over to holly's at 1am last night. watched Shadow Puppets and Hide and Go Shriek.
got kind of in trouble over it, but not much.
walked to newtown to buy coffee, but campos was closed.
only cried once or twice today.
gonna go have a shower and then really truly do some fucking homework.
for real.

ohhhhh maaaaaaaan

monday was kinda lame cause I had to wake up early and then I went to broadway and drank orange juice and read In the Skin of A Lion (which I finished, it's v.v. good) and learned to french inhale. and then reza asked if he could come over and we sat on the couches for hours and he stayed for dinner and I walked him to the train station in the rain. and he is so cute with turtle, he was petting her and scratching her chin and oh god! it was fucking adorable.

yesterday (tuesday actually) I picked up from erica and it was awkward and punk but cool and then i walked around newtown for aaaages with alex and said hi to michael and then i went to broadway and everyone arrived and we saw fast and furious and it was so fucking awesome blam blam blaaaaaaam. and then we saw alex and michael again and we went to the big fire escape on the roof and we had the best fucking sesh ever and I have hilarious videos and alex says I have to get facebook so I can post them and everyone can see.

and then after that we wandered around for aaaages and in the end me and holly got donuts and went to midtown and it was pretty cool. then today I woke up, bummed around, watched a documentary about the eiffel tower (did you know nobody died while they were building it?) and finished 1991: The Year That Punk Broke. Stay tuned for my favourite screencaps and or/proper digestion.

Then just as I was thinking 'man this day was a total waste' alex called and we went to get coffee and buy tofu and then to petersham park and we seshed there and silent raved and then were the most arseholy stoners in the world at the indian restaurant, all unable to stop laughing and dropping food on the floor and then still eating it. Then I sent alex home on the bus and came home and watched more tv (gruen transfer and some of at the movies and family guy and this show with Russel Brand in).

I was about to go to bed (kinda) and then Reza called me and he was getting high on the roof of his house and I just had an hour long conversation with him about not much and he's just soooooo lovely it's ridiculous and also kind of unfortunate (for me). But a lot less unfortunate than it could be (he calls and we talk for a long time, and he sits on my couches with me and talks about big ideas and philosophy and identity and lets me lean on him and rests his head on mine). We talked so long that I killed my phone. as in it is in intensive care right now and can't turn on and is just displaying a heart-monitor type display. And then I just switched to landline and continued talking.

anyway that's all the things that happened lately. and today I'm going to bed.