Thursday: went over to elinor's and made friands and had coffee and omelettes and danish cakes for brunch, then alex came over and we watched Lost in Translation and went out for dinner at buzzzbar. Work done: 0/10
Friday: Went to marrickville library, took notes on an article about the 1948 Arab-Israeli War and then walked to dully shops in the rain to catch a bus to cal's. walked to cal's in the rain. dried off in front of the heater and then ate chicken noodle soup while doing half a trial paper and then watched Harvey Birdman until it was time for me to go into the city and meet alex and holly for dinner in china town (noodles with chicken and amazing pork dumplings). Then more walking in the rain up to broadway and hanging around until holly's appointment at 202 on Broadway. work done: 4/10
Saturday: went over to noah's house with cal to do noah's dreads, took schoolbooks but instead spent all day watching the simpsons/that 70s show/spongebob. oh and Observe and Report. what. the. fuck. was that movie? anyway. then went to norton st, met alex and bought drinks, and then went to tavis's. which was pretty fun, at least I liked it. the food was amazing and the company was good and fuck helium voices are funny! Walked home with lucia and alex. work done: 0/10
Today: woke up at like, 11am. did some typing of previously done work- not really a big achievement. will have to completely redo my study timetable because I've failed so hard at keeping up with it. bummer. work done: 2/10.

so basically I need to step it up to 8/10 minimum instead of 4/10 maximum. cause I am so fucked. and I don't even care cause I've had a really nice time of fucking up my chances.

started biting my nails, though, which is maybe a sign of impending anxiety-->productivity.

nichola's birthday lunch today, we had yum-cha
got to explain my plans for end of this year/next year twice
but I am honestly so excited about everything after the 6th of november
1. park party
2. formal
3. schoolies
4. my birthday
5. copa
6. peats ridge

then all that uni and being a grown up shit
which is not so exciting and more soul-crushingly horrible
but whatevz mad stuff in between now and then

went to the latin festival last night with holly, watched people salsa and had a BANANA SMOOTHIE and wrote a study plan

today the plan is to watch my extension english films
and tomorrow work on modules A and B
and then wednesday is maths day, and superbook!

on the other hand I have a new (or possibly re-have an old) cold D: it's gross.

My ever-changing ghost
I think he loves them the most
He always shows you when and how and where you went wrong

Always plan but I never get things done
I walk in the room and see you all sitting around
And the love that you give is such a familiar sound
You just fly straight up and come the fuck down
You see your house fall 'cause you built it on the wrong ground

i've been neglecting you
been neglecting a lot of things-
work
paying attention to money
paying attention to smoking
avoiding my temper trap

just drifting, not paying attention, post-trial exhalation

or that's my excuse

went to the pub on saturday night and played 20-questions
got bit by a bull ant today at nielson park
holly and alex came over for a swim today and then we watched 300
sunday I went to cabramatta with holly and alex and we went fabric shopping and ate vegetarian food and second lunch and fruit shakes and that drink thing with milk and shaved ice and jellies and red beans and prunes. prunes. prunes? prunes!
and saturday is as far back as i remember. maybe i did something on friday? i think so.
last post was tuesday.

but all I can remember is school and school and school and oh!

the economics excursion with holly
and then we wandered around in town and ran into holly's friends so that was...maintained a level of newness and contrast.(<-- the kind of thing I did in my modern essays- write sentences that do not work)

so that's what's been going on. three parties on this weekend. still no costume plan for alice's. still no invitation for milo's. undecided on the middle party- it will be squished between the other two, won't it holly?

I think this has only taken me like ten minutes which is surprising to me.

but I guess with no substance there's no constraints on construction.

but I guess also blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and I just want something to offer.

I'm so green
I'm so green
yes I feel
everything you say

"I do have spreadsheets that mark how many people I am touching."

um wow so I totally haven't posted since the last day of school. yes an entire week. but it's ok, you can dry your eyes now of the tears they have inevitably been shedding for the last seven days.

saturday night:
got to moira's at around ten pm, left at eleven. lost my wallet somewhere during the two hours it took between meeting alex at norton st and getting on the bus in ashfield. but um the hour at moira's was quite nice, and the costumes were very impressive. crashed into bed at whenever I got home and then. um.

sunday/monday/tuesday:
walked to croydon trying to find my wallet and then met up with holly after economics and had coffee. ran into ardi and his girlfriend, hung around in the city for a while, and then went to see holly's new house. then I think I pretty much worked on modern for two days straight, took a break to see alex in newtown for coffee tuesday night. though I'm struggling to convince myself that that's all I did for two whole days... though I remember monday being particularly heinous because my entire family was home for most of it.

wednesday:
I visited holly's old house and got some loot (plasticine and glowsticks and such), then to her new house and the fast food complex to get liquid gaytime mmmmmmmm. then we went to the city to meet alex and reza to go to will's house party. which I liked. very quiet, but fun. at least until 5am(? I dunno whether it was before or after the mcdonalds run) when I was curled up in the fetal position in front of will's fireplace trying to stop the alco-shivers. but eventually I slept for a couple hours and even remarkably managed to get to the city by

thursday:
12.30 the next day, and with a bunch of other hungover happy heads for rob's scavenger hunt!
which took place after an hour of sitting around eating mcdonalds food. and blue+red team put in an excellent effort for the first hour or two. after that we kinda lost momentum, but we were still within... eight activities of winning. so that was kind of fun and everyone did remarkably well and civilly for being half asleep and probably having awful headaches and etc.
got home and had the nicest bath in a long, long time. just hot water and closed eyes and quietness. managed to stay awake until like 10pm, and told my dad we watched speed at will's movie marathon :P

friday:
woke up at ten-ish, surprised by the cleaners at 11am, activated my new money card and went to the library and did two and a bit pages of english notes before losing focus. and that's the last productive thing I did today. spent three hours reading a webcomic about lesbians but then it was all a dream but actually dreams are like tv shows or something? as in the story continues after 'but it was all a dream...'.

so yeah maybe I'll do an hour or two more work later tonight, but probably not. also maybe thai food will be here soon and my mum will stop standing in the kitchen shouting obnoxiously at the radio. here's hoping.

hey so I have heaps of shit to record which has been thoughtfully
( cut for the uninterested )

so yeah I had a pretty lovely couple of days
and some fairly serious/confronting conversations
and despite all the drama going on
I feel fairly good, and stable
and hopefully able to continue to be there for people as I hope I have been being lately
plus multiple parties and the holidays on the horizon
FUCK
YEAH

haha so many tags

had a sweetpea day
but I am really tired
and still have hours of homework
just want to remind myself to write about it later

I had a reasonably happy day today
but I didn't want to post about it until there was a buffer between me and whatever drama is going on in my friends page.

holly came over before school to finish her legal studies and it all went well and my classes were either productive (everything except maths) or enjoyable (maths). Seb is a funny little jerk, whom I am glad is around.

then I spent my p6 free getting coffee with alex, which was good as I hadn't seen him since friday. then I went back to catch the bus with Holly, and reza as it turned out. which, though I had misgivings about, turned out to work quite fine. which was really encouraging.

so yeah I had a nice time wandering the city, v was on sale for cheap at the petrol station
and my family was out watching the football at the pub
so I had the evening to myself, to make dinner and sit in maximum comfort on the couch doing my modern homework
which when I finally got around to it at about 8 went by like snap
and now I am going to reward myself with media watch!

so yeah sorry for unwelcome cheeriness
but... if I don't take these rings and stow them safe away, how am I gonna save them for another rainy day?

oh wow well
yesterday was the bbq, which was fair nice if a little quiet
watched the rest of super troopers and the pick of destiny after transferring the party (ie. the four of us and some food) to cal's house
then I went to the city and wandered around with holly for three or four hours
I was nearly home and then alex called and I met up with him and we had a short chat at petersham park, and I got home at ten-ish, my dad didn't even remark on it.
then I meant to study for economics
but instead I just went to sleep
and then today i spent all day preparing for that economics bullshit
nothing else really happened
oh except I found out that Dave Eggers is about to release a new book called Zeitoun (fuck yeah) and that tobacco plants look really different to how I imagined them (thanks newshour).
I have some alcohol sourcing issues, hopefully andy can help me out
and also hopefully at some point tomorrow I can buy new stockings and clove cigarettes
for ben's party woofuckinghoo
um yeah that's it. so really I should be working super hard right now
but instead I'ma go watch kindergarten cop or some shit
maybe just sleep in front of the heater

I took twice as long as I should have to go see holly in the city today
because I spent half an hour crying in the mirror before throwing on my too big (i know it's hard to believe) jumper and just leaving as fast as I could until I was out of reflection-range.
hanging out was pretty nice
much nicer than homework
basically just four or so hours playing gin rummy and sitting in mcdonalds while Alex napped. but as soon as he was awake again it was back to being the biggest third wheel ever
which made me feel pretty shitty
was home late for dinner
and then my dad called me at 5am Orlando time just to say hello and talk about our days, after I texted him at nearly midnight his time yesterday(on my way to the bus stop this afternoon) to tell him I really missed him.
I think it's probably cause other things aren't so great
I'm fucking up school and it actually allegedly matters
etcetera, etcetera
that I miss him more than I usually do when he goes away.
but it really cheered me up and made me change my mind about writing a whole entry about being second choice. complete with radiohead lyrics. because really. it's so unrealistic of me to expect, I mean even when I was kind of sort of sometimes somebody's first choice I fucked it up.
and now I'm really just putting of going back to work
though I finished two things
which is pretty good I guess
plus it's bbq week, so what the fuck ever. fuck yeah bbq week

haven't posted in a couple of days
again
the 27th was...wednesday i think
so thursday I went to SPAN with cal and will, which was pretty fun
friday was so-so, boring at school, had alex over for lunch though, when i went to get my camera
that was pleasant
fought with my mum and subsequently stood elinor up over dinner
maybe i'll give her a call today
saturday was of course the huge red+black undertaking
but first I had to go to my sister's basketball
and then to the city
lots of wandering about and running away from crimes
hung out on wharf ten near star city for a long long time
made friends with joe the security manager
got scared by dickheads getting off a party boat
found a deck with six cigarettes in it! first find ever
got home and fell asleep straight away
woke up at ten this morning, haven't done any work in the last two hours
oops
um feel like i should include some introspection or some shit
to fit in and stuff
really just taking it day by day at the moment
so none of that to be had.
working on a cheerful sunshiney mix to get me through the winter and a calming electro mix, enjoying the inflow of new music
(instead of doing my modern study notes)

oh gosh
three days :O
and so many things have happened since three days ago!

( for recording purposes, not entertainment )

PS. Holy fuck how good is CAKE? I've been listening to them on repeat for like the last five days. so. good.

well friday was almost perfect.
few things like Holly not being there and feeling kind of ill
but it was a really nice day
and the movie (and the cinema) were really cool
and I got lots of photos (oh god I hope they worked/are any good)

made cal's mixtape
and had a shower
went to see alex to give him his present. ended up hanging out in the city for four hours or so with holly and reza (and cal for about thirty seconds)
so of course I got absolutely no work done today
tried to do my maths, failed.
have done 2, maybe 3 sentences of homework
haven't started my history x project
I mean I'm crying
about fucking homework.
what the fuck.

things are sort of back to acting normal with Reza
that's kind of good
I still feel the same
Only there's a sharp edge of hopelessness
Where before there was only a blunt edge of hopelessness

All things lovely only hurt my head.
As I gather stones from fields
Like pearls of water on my fingers' ends,
And wrap them up in boxes,
Safe from windows, from things that break,
As the night-time shined like day it saw my sorry face,
Hair a mess but it liked me best that way

um so i've tried to write this entry three or four times
and this time
fuck it, it's getting posted regardless of inanity.

I ♥ the whitest kids you know sooooo much

tonight i was originally just gonna pop out for a movie but everyone was late and then nobody except navind really wanted to see the movie so we just went to midtown and then wandered around and eventually went to Prague in Kings Cross and had soo muuuch foood and it was super delicious. and then we walked back to town hall and went to midtown again.

and I got home on time. woohoo! and have gotten the bare minimum (not even really) of work done D:

but I have alex's birthday week to look forward to. so that's cool. i guess.

um. yeah.

so yesterday was the first day, yeah? it was alright. went to the city after school with alex and holly and shopped for aaaages. then school again today, six whole periods of it, which sucked major balls. seriously so much balls. like the earth represents how much it sucks to bang your shin on the coffee table, then the suckiness of school is the sun.



I know the dates now for all my hsc exams.



and god I'm so tired already. I just want to sleep for like twice as long as I am. 11-7 is not enough. but 11pm always appears so fast. and I have fucking homework to do.

ohhhhh maaaaaaaan

monday was kinda lame cause I had to wake up early and then I went to broadway and drank orange juice and read In the Skin of A Lion (which I finished, it's v.v. good) and learned to french inhale. and then reza asked if he could come over and we sat on the couches for hours and he stayed for dinner and I walked him to the train station in the rain. and he is so cute with turtle, he was petting her and scratching her chin and oh god! it was fucking adorable.

yesterday (tuesday actually) I picked up from erica and it was awkward and punk but cool and then i walked around newtown for aaaages with alex and said hi to michael and then i went to broadway and everyone arrived and we saw fast and furious and it was so fucking awesome blam blam blaaaaaaam. and then we saw alex and michael again and we went to the big fire escape on the roof and we had the best fucking sesh ever and I have hilarious videos and alex says I have to get facebook so I can post them and everyone can see.

and then after that we wandered around for aaaages and in the end me and holly got donuts and went to midtown and it was pretty cool. then today I woke up, bummed around, watched a documentary about the eiffel tower (did you know nobody died while they were building it?) and finished 1991: The Year That Punk Broke. Stay tuned for my favourite screencaps and or/proper digestion.

Then just as I was thinking 'man this day was a total waste' alex called and we went to get coffee and buy tofu and then to petersham park and we seshed there and silent raved and then were the most arseholy stoners in the world at the indian restaurant, all unable to stop laughing and dropping food on the floor and then still eating it. Then I sent alex home on the bus and came home and watched more tv (gruen transfer and some of at the movies and family guy and this show with Russel Brand in).

I was about to go to bed (kinda) and then Reza called me and he was getting high on the roof of his house and I just had an hour long conversation with him about not much and he's just soooooo lovely it's ridiculous and also kind of unfortunate (for me). But a lot less unfortunate than it could be (he calls and we talk for a long time, and he sits on my couches with me and talks about big ideas and philosophy and identity and lets me lean on him and rests his head on mine). We talked so long that I killed my phone. as in it is in intensive care right now and can't turn on and is just displaying a heart-monitor type display. And then I just switched to landline and continued talking.

anyway that's all the things that happened lately. and today I'm going to bed.

D: I'm the most innocent so far what the hell.

so reza's party was pretty kickarse, dinner was amazing, wandering around the city was fun, staying up till daybreak in Alex's backyard was awesome.

um I guess I expected to want to describe everything in tedious detail for posterity, but it's not really coming.

and now I need to sort out going to mattias's, and Alex, who is integral to me byo-ing, has his phone turned off.

so I guess I'll just make it through today (lame, my mum is home sick from work, nichola has nothing to do, so no loud music or privacy or relaxation). Finish drinking my sugarless coffee, do some homework, spend ridiculous amounts of time trying on clothes until I decide on the same outfit I always wear, etc. etc.

today I went and bought shoes and tights and energy drinks and mints and lollipops and clove ciagerettes for monday. then after I came home holly called, bored in the city, and I went and joined her, and reza did too. we went to look at wagaya, and then to market city for weird asian deserts. we went to darling harbour and looked around and walked across the moving bridge to peir one. we smoked a bit and then decided to go visit alex at work. which turned out to be a massive undertaking. we had to stop for icecream, and oporto chips, and slurpee along the way, but we finally got there and got to hang out with alex for like half an hour. Then we caught the train home and now I'm writing about the nice day I had.

I got my mum to let me go out by basically not taking no for an answer, which worked surprisingly well. And then when I texted her at fifteen minutes before I said I'd be home saying I would be later cause I was seeing a movie, she just sent back 'thanks for letting us know.' which I can't tell whether it was meant to be sarcastic or not. but when I got back at like, 10.30 everyone was asleep already, so that's cool.

well yesterday I did my speech and not much else. it went better than I expected. Wish I could say that about the rest of my exams. but anyway

today I had yum cha and saw watchmen and had coffee at midtown (twice). It was fairly nice, despite occasional awkwardness of hanging out with people I don't usually. watchmen was... it was heavy. Heavy handed, too. And out of control brutal. filled my head up to the brim.

had a good talk on the way home about growing up/being a grown up with Reza.

Also I just finished (I think) andy's mix cd. I think it's pretty good, I really hope he likes it. Right now I'm listening to it through, shuffling some of the tracks around trying to get the order right. I've never made one for somebody before. it was fun.

but then I thought it was week a and that therefore tomorrow was my double free. I was all ready to talk to alex about having a barbeque and everything, but then I found out it wasn't. D:

today I did lots of things

I returned some dvds to the video shop, bought a deck, went to the leichhardt library for two hours or so, met up with elinor for a smoke and a chat, caught the train to the city. Then I met Reza and we saw The Combination, which was really, really good. Then we hung out in the city for a very little bit, spent about half an hour waiting for an all stops, and now I'm back home. and having minestrone for dinner woohoo! and found out I left myself signed into msn all day, woops. but regardless, I had a really nice day.

Give me a shove
And I'll fall in love
Don't wait.

ack I love Los Campesinos! so much they are the cutest.

Members:
Aleksandra Campesinos!
Ellen Campesinos!
Gareth Campesinos!
Harriet Campesinos!
Neil Campesinos
Ollie Campesinos!
Tom Campesinos!

If you catch me
With my hand in the till
I promise, sugar,
I wasn't trying to steal
I'm just swimming in copper
To smell and pretend
Like a robot

anyway so yesterday we went to speech day, which was pretty aok. then we hung out in various food-providing-establishments (myer foodcourt and the cafe) until reza and that got out of their movie. then we (me holly alex reza navind mihir) went to the big field thing at the end of the tunnel near the art gallery. then we descended with feverish eyes on the myer foodcourt (again). we ran into lucia on her way to a bliss n eso concert while we were taking alex to the bus stop. then me and holly went and saw transporter three. oh man such good explosions! and fight scenes! and every action movie one-liner in existence!

then I raced home, running late, but it was cool. now I'm going to write some english story, then go away and do a heap of homework.